Have you ever met the kind of people who say, “I was so busy today, I forgot to eat lunch!” Oh hell no! Bitch, I could be 2 minutes away from NASA blasting me off to the moon and I’ll still make time to eat a good meal. In 25 years, I have never just “forgotten to eat” and quite frankly, I can’t surround myself with that kind of negativity.

I only consider food as fuel and nourishment for my body…Haha, just kidding. Listen kids, I love food! I love eating with friends, family… animals… plants… furniture… Due to my passionate attitude towards delectable delights, my curves tend to get out of control and I need to reign myself in. I become a bit over-ambitious to begin with and attempt a strict “clean eating” plan, which should ideally last for weeks. Every time I say to myself “this time, I’m going to stick with it”, I don’t. You are about to come on the journey that my brain goes through when I attempt only ONE day of 100% “clean eating.” Put your seat belt on guys, it gets rough.

 

7am
It’s breakfast time and I am SO motivated! I’m going to have two eggs and some avocado. No toast though. Bread is the devil-everyone knows that. YUUMMMM, this is easy.

10am
I am going to allow myself a coffee, but NO sugar. Sugar is the devil’s sister- everyone knows that. I’ll top it up with some almond milk, but NO dairy because dairy is the devil’s brother and everyone knows that…

Gosh, I am doing so well, I think my stomach looks flatter already. Can I eat a banana? How many calories in a banana? Am I emotionally ready for the guilt of eating a banana? Just eat the damn banana, I feel faint.

11.30pm
Kill me.

1pm
Lunch time! Tuna salad! But NOT flavoured tuna because everyone knows tuna that isn’t in spring water is the devil’s cousin. Have my taste buds committed suicide? I can’t taste anything! I desperately need carbs. It’s a matter of life or death at this point.

2pm
Kill me.

2.30pm
Scrolling through Instagram and every post is “Fit tea”, “Transformation Tuesday”, “Get abs in 30 seconds by buying my Ebook!” Ok, so if everyone else in the world can do this, why can’t I? Can I do this? No I cant! I mean yes I can!

2.35pm
Seriously, kill me.

3pm
Afternoon tea time! I’m going to walk straight past that jar of cookies in the staffroom and that box of chocolates that someone decided to bring in TODAY OF ALL DAYS!! Ahh just one wouldn’t hurt right? No, don’t do it. Eat your almonds and apple and drink your green tea. Mmmm bland, blander and blandest!

3.10pm
Seriously, just one chocolate? NO! Where’s your will power, fatty?

3.11pm
Ok just one…Oh shit, that’s delicious. Alright, just one more!

The flood gates have now opened my friends.

4.30pm

I get home from work and my friend wants to have coffee. So I go out and have a skinny vanilla latte. That means dairy AND sugar- oh boy! My friend gets a cake and she’s like “OMG Magda, just have a bite! One bite won’t hurt! Come on!”

“No thank you, really, even this coffee is bad PLUS I’ve had two chocolates!”

“OMG Magda, like, seriously you don’t even need to lose weight, huge butts are like, in fashion, like.”

You know what, she’s right- one bite won’t hurt. Next minute, I’ve eaten more than my friend has and I think she’s pretty happy about it! I reminisce to the good old days when I was worried about the calories in a banana. Wait; was that only this morning? Wow. Longest. Day. Of. My. Life.

6pm
I get home and mum’s like, “We’re all too tired and we haven’t cooked anything. Can you get us some take away?” So I drive to get everyone else take away and the smell of the chips in the car is absolutely KILLING ME. I’ll just have one, just for the taste! Argh, they’re so yummy! I have another and another and to quote Miley Cyrus, “can’t stop, won’t stop.”

At this point, I’m screwed. The guilt of consuming all those calories from the chips is crippling and I’m thinking, “well, I’ve done it now, I may as well just get back to it tomorrow.” And so the vicious cycle begins- deprivation, then binging. It’s so mentally exhausting!!

 I just don’t have the kind of will power to maintain a strict diet lifestyle. I can eat mostly healthy, eat yummier things in moderation and have a good exercise regime, but that’s where it’s going to have to end for me. Kudos to you if you have amazing will power when it comes to food and shout out to those of you who are feeling me on this one! Stay healthy and happy :). 

Lots of love,

Magda xx