Hi Soul Fitness Readers!
Firstly, I would like to thank Magda for allowing me to contribute to her awesome blogging space – what a gem!
Now let’s get down to business. In this blog I’m going to address what I like to refer to as The Victim Mentality. This is where no matter the situation, a person can turn themselves into the victim either in their head or on display for everyone. This blog may hit home for some of you, but just remember that being aware is the first step to overcoming. So open your mind and I assure you that you will never listen to conversations in the same way again.Up until about a year ago, I was the perfect example of a person who felt like a victim 24/7. Although I might have seemed accountable from the outside when I was at work or at school, my mind was constantly in a state of why me/life isn’t fair/nobody understands. Despite my Dad telling me numerous times throughout my life that you always have a choice, I never applied this to emotions and feelings. I was 100% certain that how I was conditioned to feel and think was permanent and couldn’t be changed. That was until one day, something clicked in my brain. Between the sermons I heard at church and the wise council of my Dad and husband, I realised that I had a victim mentality. I was constantly looking for things or people to blame for the way I was. This resulted in me becoming aware of my bad blaming habits, so I’d like to share those with you and give you some food for thought.
You can’t blame your parents for your behaviours and life choices
This is a HUGE one. Yes, you are genetically wired to have some of your parents traits but the moment you start to blame them for the way you choose to behave is the moment you victimise yourself. I used to tell my husband that I was non-confrontational and wouldn’t stand up for myself because that was a trait of my Mum’s. He would simply remind me that along the line I chose to mimic that behaviour and sew it into my identity. Although it may have been difficult, it’s wasn’t physically and biologically impossible for me to be assertive.
Similarly, I recently watched a show about young girls in prison. One of them told the camera “My whole family has been to prison, so I knew I’d end up here eventually.” Essentially she is blaming the behaviour that caused her incarceration on the patterns in her family, which makes it feel more justifiable in her brain because its “not her fault, it was how she grew up”. Was it possible she could have chosen not to sell drugs even though her whole family did? It wouldn’t have been easy, but of course it was possible. That’s why blogs like these are so important to me because there might have been a different outcome for her if she was educated about always having a choice.
When bad things happen to you, they’re not necessarily targeted at you
Of course when people aim to hurt you, you are classified as a victim. Here I’m talking about things like not getting that job you really wanted, or that rude waitress from last night. I used to think that I deserved better (not in a healthy way) and that life was beating down on me every time something didn’t go the way I planned. I’d shake my fist at the sky and ask God why it had to be me. Now I’m a big believer in not pushing an emotion away, but feeling it in it’s full form and then moving on. So if you didn’t get that job, you’re entitled to feel sad about it, digest the outcome and then move on with your life. Don’t sit around and think to yourself “Well I didn’t get it because I was the only one who ” Even if that was the case, where are those thoughts going to get you? You’re just going to feel bitter and resentful. I don’t know about you but I’d rather not.
Plenty of people have already gone through what you’re going through
When we’re feeling sad, we often like to be stubborn and act as if nobody else in the whole world could possibly know how we’re feeling…or is that just me? Maybe. However, becoming aware of this mentality has lead me to believe that this just another form of victimising yourself. I now believe that thinking no one could feel the pain you’re going through is a coping mechanism so that you don’t have to be accountable for your emotions. Just like I talked about above, you’re allowed to feel the emotion of being sad but don’t dwell and spiral into a pity party. Digest and move on.
Alright, that’s me done! I hope this gave you some food for thought on whether you or someone you know is a hardcore victim. I urge you to think about your emotional accountability and remember that nobody can control your feelings but you. You always have a choice.
Cheerio!
Hannah
Soul Fitness 